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Leaning In- Mommy style

Growing up, my solitary ambition was to be a doctor. Not. Anything. Else. Becoming a wife and mother were the theoretical things on the check list of my youth.  College.  Medical school. Marriage. Kids. Check. Check. Check. Check. As time moved on, my ambition became my reality. I was Dr. Hines. It was wonderful! I worked a ton of hours- always finding new things to strive for. I was tired, but satisfied.  And then, I became a mother. As all mothers will tell you, motherhood changes you in ways that are unimaginable and difficult to articulate. There I was with everything-  career, love, and now a beautiful daughter.  And I was exhausted…. And I wanted out. I needed out. My life had become overwhelmingly stressful. I loved being a doctor, but at the end of the day, I dragged an exhausted, frustrated, cranky bitch home to my family.  My daughter deserved better. So a choice had to be made. For many reasons, I could not leave medicine. But something had to change….something had changed.  I no longer wanted to be the career-driven woman that I once had been. So I leaned out of my career, and leaned in to being Mommy. I thought I would miss her- my work self. Funny thing is, I don’t.  Some days,  I hardly recognize myself. Long gone for me are the days of working 18 hour days, leaving home in the dead of night to go to the hospital, calls that interrupt family time, missed opportunities to participate in my child’s life…. Nowadays, I work as little as I need to. I realize that my fear was not in being judged as a bad mother. My very real fear was of becoming an absentee one.  Now I don’t miss anything. I don’t miss school plays, field trips, birthday parties. I am able to participate in my daughter’s school, and get great satisfaction from volunteer work. After many years, and many attempts,  I found a balance that works for me. It came when I realized that I didn’t have to juggle all the balls- some of them I could just set down.

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11 Comments

  • Reply
    patricemfoster
    July 20, 2015 at 7:36 PM

    Quite interesting story about how motherhood change your life …Decision to not focus so much on medicine but your child very inspirational.

  • Reply
    staciesayzso
    July 21, 2015 at 2:41 PM

    Congrats on doing what was right for you! I know how it is to leave a good paying job to be with your family. I think it’s way more rewarding.

  • Reply
    Lauren
    July 21, 2015 at 7:49 PM

    Work life balance is key. It’s hard to find that balance. You are very blessed to still be able to work and have that kind of flexibility.

  • Reply
    Jo
    July 21, 2015 at 8:06 PM

    Glad you found a way to balance it all. It’s so necessary.

  • Reply
    GinaB @ Mirror Watching
    July 21, 2015 at 10:01 PM

    That is an awesome realization that you could set some of the balls down. Kudos to you for finding a path that gives you what you need and peace.

  • Reply
    Aisha Johnson Adams
    July 22, 2015 at 2:22 AM

    This is a great blog. I left my career to focus on my family, and I am so much happier. I started a new career that works better for me. However, what I love about this blog is you remained in your field and changed the focus. This makes me happy. It shows there is more than one way to skin a cat…lol

  • Reply
    jaylharris77
    July 22, 2015 at 1:46 PM

    I am not a mother yet. I came to the same conclusion after the passing of my grandmother. I realize I do want a family and freedom. I began to create a life that would allow me time to work my purpose and be free!

    • Reply
      dochnz
      July 22, 2015 at 5:26 PM

      Good for you! I wish this was something I had learned before mommyhood! I would’ve made different decisions when I was younger! 😊 Be well and thanks for your support!

  • Reply
    Holly
    July 23, 2015 at 4:11 AM

    I am not a mother..maybe one day though. I won’t fully understand everything till I actually become one.

  • Reply
    Julian @BoldFearless1
    July 26, 2015 at 3:05 AM

    That’s a powerful revelation, and one that took a great deal of courage to lean in to. I think there are so many women who needed to hear this message, so thank you for sharing!

  • Reply
    Tess
    January 22, 2017 at 5:41 AM

    You are so awesome for helping me solve this mytersy.

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